ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
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Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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