is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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