Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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