I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
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Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
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I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize