Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
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I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
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I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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