i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
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My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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