In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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