never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
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After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
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What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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