apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
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I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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