My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
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Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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