Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
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I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My feet surprised me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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