you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize