Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is that a dick in a sweater?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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