What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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