Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
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i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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