Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize