Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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