The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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