Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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