i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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