I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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