You smell like stripper and shame
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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