1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize