areolas are like halos for boobs.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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