Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize