I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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