Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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