i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize