It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize