Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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