brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize