That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
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Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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