Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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