normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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