this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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