I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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