I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
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He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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