After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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