As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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