Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize