I met the friendliest cop last night
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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