So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize