I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
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Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
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I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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