just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
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There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
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I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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