The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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