Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize