oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize