I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize