I got chris browned last night
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
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My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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