I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize